my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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