I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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