I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
