So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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