So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
