I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
