so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
