I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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