oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want nice things and good sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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