i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
