just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
farters have to be the big spoon...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
