you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
