I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize