is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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