Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
