Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
