The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
