i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he thought i was a dude.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
