Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize