there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
