im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
