Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is Oprah even human
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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