I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
