i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
