Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Randomize
