Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
