party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
