I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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