Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We named our party play list daddy issues
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
