You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
