one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
