Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
