Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
