Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Alive.
So much puke
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
