Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
