i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
