last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
