I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
