i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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