I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
