We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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