he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
