The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
