I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you never un-have a 4some
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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