Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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