I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
