and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
