i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no, he came in my armpit
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
