Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Who died my cat blue again?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize