grandma shit on top of the toilet
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
