she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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