I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
