So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
