i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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