I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
