Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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