This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
