Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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