ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
