he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
