so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
