You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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