every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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