It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
