she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
