smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
