Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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