Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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