I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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