Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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