I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
