your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
