my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
