Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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