Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
