man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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