I have demons in me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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