At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
