Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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