If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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